Why Do People Start Swinging?

Why Do People Start Swinging?

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Why Do People Start Swinging? 

Why Do People Start Swinging? Swinging isn’t part of ‘normal’ society. We aren’t taught about non-monogamy, open relationships, swinging and alternative lifestyles at a young age.

Here are a few suggestions as to why do people start swinging?

  • Because some people don’t like to conform to the norms!
  • Swinging can lead to better family life.
  • Voyeuristic/ Exhibitionist tendencies
  • People swing because they are bisexual

Instead, we are taught, told and expected, to grow up and have totally monogamous relationships and marriage (regardless of our sexuality) and live, happily ever after with one person. This one person is supposed to support us, be emotionally exclusive with us, love us, care for us and fulfil every sexual desire that may enter our heads. 

We have been in monogamous relationships for 100s of years, but people have been having extramarital sex throughout this period, doesn’t that tell you something? I’m afraid being non-monogamous is in our DNA

That’s an awful lot for one human to deal with! Without adding raising a family and providing for that family into the mix. So what if you are happy to be emotionally exclusive, you support and love one another, you work hard to provide for your family, and you care for one another, unconditionally, but, one of you (or both partners) identify as Bisexual? Or has the desire to watch you having sex with others? 

What does the ‘monogamous guide to life’ handbook advise for this? 

Well, It doesn’t, I’m afraid! So what do people do who have these desires, wish to express this part of their sexuality, or experiment with different experiences?

Why Do People Start Swinging?

Some suppress it and always wonder what if? Some look outside the relationship and don’t get caught. Some look outside the relationship and do get caught, which sadly and invariably results in the relationship they have worked so hard for falling apart! Not to mention they will probably be made to feel shame, guilt and embarrassment if they have been hooking up with same-sex partners.  

Alternative Relationships

Swingers retain all of the emotional exclusivity they have within their relationship, whilst enjoying sex with others. They are not usually interested in forming deep bonds with their play partners and usually have sex or swap only when the other person is present.

If you have a polyamorous relationship, you enjoy both the emotional and the physical connection with other people as well as your partner.

And if you are in an open relationship, you might meet men and women separately, without your spouse, but are still emotionally exclusive with them.

So, as you can see, the three are slightly different. A  common trait all of these relationships share is they start from rock-solid beginnings. As soon as a couple has decided to include one of these monogamy alternatives, they avoid falling into the familiar traps of being hurt, having fights and deceitful behaviour.

We have been in monogamous relationships for 100s of years, but people have been having extramarital sex throughout this period, doesn’t that tell you something? I’m afraid being non-monogamous is in our DNA. So, it’s time to discuss, why do people start swinging? 

Why Do People Start Swinging? The Ultimate Guide! 

Swinging won’t fix an already broken relationship and if you think starting to swing will cure one person’s inability to be faithful, then I’m afraid it probably won’t.

Bisexuality– some people identify as Bisexual, and although they are happy to be in a relationship with one person, part of their sexual character remains. You may decide to be in a relationship with a man, live with him, and have a family together, (as many swingers do) but identify as Bisexual for your whole life. I can’t imagine being unable to enjoy being Bisexual, but many people go their entire lives without discovering more about their sexuality.

Through swinging, you have the freedom to express your sexuality in an environment that allows you to explore without fear of being judged. I adore S, he’s an amazing boyfriend, but he’s not a woman, and part of me loves having sex with women and enjoying them in an intimate setting. 

Maybe Your Sex Life Needs Spicing Up? You could decide to start swinging because you are looking for new ways to spice up your sex life. It’s perfectly understandable. Over time you may feel the need to explore and discover new ways of being intimate. Once you start swinging or discussing different aspects of the lifestyle, your sex life will become revived! 

To Keep Family Life Intact– ok, so bear with me on this one. Let’s say you have been married for a while, and maybe you are both content, you have a great home and family. You have worked hard to support one another over the years. However, the intimate side of your life together is lacking, or maybe you have desires you wish to explore? You don’t want to disrupt the great harmonious family life you have worked so hard to build up, so maybe enjoying swinging will breathe new life into your relationship. 

Voyeuristic/ Exhibitionist Tendencies– These kinks are quite popular, especially among men who would like to watch other men having sex with their wives. It can be hard to make this sexual fantasy a reality without attending a swingers party. Or maybe you have the urge to be an exhibitionist and become excited at the thought of other people watching you have sex? Again, this fantasy can easily be made a reality, if you were to attend a swingers club. 

Some People Just Don’t Play By The Rules Like me! I have never been one to conform. I’ve always been a bit ‘alternative’, and there are many people who simply don’t enjoy the constraints a genuinely monogamous relationship places on them.

I believe that sexuality provides us with the means of expressing ourselves, if we don’t ‘conform’ to the ideals that society places on us, we probably don’t ‘conform’ sexually either! Perhaps you like to push the boundaries, practice BDSM, or want to embrace having multiple lovers? Doing these things within the comfort of a loving, sharing partnership can allow for your sexual appetite to be met.

If You Can Separate Love and Sex– some people can and do, whereas others struggle with it, and some people can’t. If you identify as the first group, then chances are you will find the transition to becoming a swinger a reasonably easy one. Separating love and sex can be challenging for some people, and that’s ok, it’s just how they are. In contrast, some people can do it quite easily. In some relationships, such as those that practise polyamory, the connection is both emotional and physical. 

It Strengthens Bonds– You will find that the majority of swinger couples are emotionally secure within their relationships. Swinging paves the way for conversation, honesty and trust. The deep connection that you share with your partner, which forms as you explore the lifestyle together, becomes more ingrained over time. It can be a reason that some couples get into the lifestyle, especially if they discover just how good it can be for their partnership. 

Why Do People Start Swinging?

The Inclusive Environment– If you harbour particular fetishes or desires that you want to make happen, and these just so happen to involve other people, chances are you won’t wish to talk to your vanilla friends about them. After all, should the conversation not go as well as you had planned, you run the risk of 1) them knowing your kinks and desires and 2) losing them as friends. However, if you make friends with swinger couples via sites such as my Discord community, you can chat, ask for advice, and be surrounded by supportive, like-minded, non-judgemental people who are there for the same reasons as you- to enjoy sexual liberation and adventure in a community that is inclusive.

Swinging Can Provide an Outlet for your desires that involve others- Some couples are into degradation and public humiliation. They want to be spanked, fucked or whipped, in front of people, (other couples) and regular sex simply can’t provide them with this. Others have gangbang fetishes, and again, it’s hard to fulfil this kink without others participating. Sometimes, moving from the bedroom to a swingers club is the only way of allowing these desires to be made a reality. Being in a BDSM dungeon, in a club really does help to set the scene!

Because Swinging Is Great Fun!– Probably the most important reason, swinging is naughty, consensual, adult fun that allows you to have all benefits of a great secure relationship with your partner, whilst enjoying sex with others. Together. Seeing your husband or wife having sex with other people, whilst you have sex too is a fantastic feeling.

Discussing your desires and fantasies with your partner, and then making them happen, together, draws you closer. Going on dates as a couple, and being able to flirt and socialise with another couple is hugely liberating. Attending a swingers club, even if you go to watch, is a massive boost to your esteem. Getting ready, choosing a sexy outfit, and feeling desirable all have positive effects on your relationship. 

Why Do People Start Swinging? In Conclusion

As I’m sure you have discovered, there are many reasons that people start swinging. Some are naturally curious about alternative relationships and want to explore their bisexual sides. Some couples are voyeurs or exhibitionists, and attending swinging clubs is a great way to enjoy this kink. In contrast to this, some people wish to have regular, straight sex with others, no kinky business!  

These reasons are all different, but all share a common belief. Emotional exclusivity is shared only between the couple. It doesn’t matter who they play with and what they experience; the extramarital fun can never be a replacement for the emotional attachment they feel for one another. 

What I will share with you is this, swinging won’t fix an already broken relationship and if you think starting to swing will cure one person’s inability to be faithful, then I’m afraid that it probably won’t. Swinging comes from a place of love and trust, and although it can be a scary prospect, you need to be able to have honest, trusting conversations before you begin on your journey. It should be a mutually shared interest.

Eventually, you will be able to navigate your way around the singles and couples of the swingers world with ease! If the foundation is based on communication and feeling loved, you will soon be sexy, smart, swingers!

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Hi, I'm Rosie!

The girl behind ThisKindaGirl.

I’m a non-monogamy and swinging lifestyle coach.

TKG was born out of a desire to share my honest advice about swinging, alternative relationships and human nature. I’m here to help people successfully navigate the heavily stigmatised world of swinging.

Sit back and dive deep into Ethical Monogamy with me. Here you will find everything you need to know!

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