Should I Swing With My Vanilla Friends?

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Should I Swing With My Vanilla Friends?

Should I Swing With My Vanilla Friends? Ahh this is a topic that I believe is well overdue for an article! Vanilla friends and swinging, like mayonnaise and gravy; both enjoyable in their own right, but mixing them could end in disaster, right? 

I mean, you may be fond of them both, but together?  

Could it be sloppy? Or a potentially tasty combination?  

What a dilemma! 

So, what do you do?

The first, and only thing, is to sit back and let do all the talking

When it comes to vanilla friends and swinging, I have experienced my fair share of awkward conversations, shocked expressions and curious questions. So, should you swing with your vanilla friends?

Let’s find out!

Do You Mix Your Swinger And Vanilla Friendships?

Going for dinner with a vanilla couple and then trying to lure them into bed? That’s not my style

I don’t. I have swinger friends I have met whilst, well, swinging and vanilla friends I have met whilst um… vanillering.

Although some vanilla friends are aware of who I am and what I do, I would never try and lure them over to the dark side. I do have a single female friend who has asked me to take her to a club, but one, she’s straight, so I wouldn’t make a move on her and two, I know that when she got in the swingers party or club, she would be quite happy to go and do her own thing (gangbanging) and so we wouldn’t be swinging ‘together’ per see.

This is about as mixie as I am prepared to get. Going for dinner with a vanilla couple and then trying to lure them into bed? That’s not my style! 

Should I Swing With My Vanilla Friends?

Why Might Couples Want To Mix Vanilla Friends And Swinging?  

Swinging with your vanilla friends certainly is appealing. You already know one another and are comfortable enough to spend social time together. Perhaps you are neighbours or share similar interests?

Believe me, when I say I see the appeal, I really do. Plus, if you are already experiencing ethical non-monogamy in your own relationship, chances are you are benefitting from all the good stuff that comes with it. You are probably feeling closer to your partner than ever before and wondering why you did not pursue this path sooner?

It is understandable that you probably want to share your joy with those around you and tell them about this wonderful new lifestyle! 

Why Swinging With Vanilla Friends Might Not Be A Good Idea

Just because they are talking about it doesn’t mean they absolutely 100% want to do it and want to do it with you! 

Here’s a scenario that you may have experienced; and one that I certainly have. Let’s say you have some friends who perhaps have shared a few personal details about what they get up to with you? Maybe they enjoy a little Kink? Or BDSM? 

Ah Ha! Says your swinger brain! Like-minded lifestylers! Let’s invite them to a swingers party! 

Woah, brain…wait!

Just because they have confided in you that they might enjoy getting slapped up and dress in PVC at the weekends doesn’t necessarily mean they are into the swinger lifestyle. Sure, they might enjoy the alternative side of things, but this doesn’t mean they are game to get their couple swap on. 

Another mistake that swingers sometimes make (I know it’s hard to believe us swingers can even make mistakes) is reading too much into what a couple share. Let’s take threesomes as an example. I’m sure I’m not the only person who has had a conversation with their vanilla friends about having a threesome? Would they, wouldn’t they, and would it be MMF or FFM? 

And all of a sudden…Uh Oh! There goes that swinger light switch again! No! 

Stop it, horny swinger brain!

Just because they are talking about it doesn’t mean they absolutely 100% want to do it and want to do it with you! 

For many people, talking about swapping, swinging, or fantasising about it is as far as they are willing to go. The fact that they have opened up to you should be something to be celebrated. It isn’t necessarily a green light!

Coming Out To Vanilla Friends

You should turn swingers into friends, not friends into swingers.

Now, four of my closest friends know I am TKG. I told three of them when I first started my blog, whilst it was in the planning stage. 

The fourth is a former colleague who grew curious about my hectic work/ life/ swinger schedule and one day asked me,

‘Rosie, what is it you do outside of work? Because you leave here on a Friday and return on Monday looking just as exhausted as you did when you left?’

So, I told him. And, just to clarify, I wouldn’t have told him if we weren’t already good friends and shared in the same dark and twisty sense of humour. 

But that’s all I have done. I’ve never tried to persuade them, sell it to them, or preach to them why I don’t think monogamy is a progressive way to be. Instead, I’ve explained that ‘TKG is another side of me’. 

Sure, they don’t always get it, but that’s fine. 

Should You Swing With Your Vanilla Friends? In Conclusion

Here’s the part where I share a tasty TKG nugget of wisdom with you, and boy oh boy, this one a good un! Ready? 

You should turn swingers into friends, not friends into swingers. 

See, I told you it was good! 

There are so many amazing people out there, already in the lifestyle or just getting started that would make fantastic swinger friends.

People who want to experience what you want to experience and share similar desires that you have. People who just ‘get it. 

These are the people with who you should be seeking out friendships! Yes, you may already feel comfortable with friends from your vanilla life, but ultimately, it’s going to be a lot easier and a lot less risky to broach the subject with a couple in a swingers club than those vanilla friends you have known for ten years.

Don’t be lazy! Look outside your existing friendships! 

If you are stuck for where to find swingers, as ever, I have a few suggestions for you. Try out my Discord Server, Swinger Dating Sites, or Local Swinger Clubs! 

Remember, gravy and mayonnaise don’t mix guys and girls, even if you may want them too!  

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Hi, I'm Rosie!

The girl behind ThisKindaGirl.

I’m a non-monogamy and swinging lifestyle coach.

TKG was born out of a desire to share my honest advice about swinging, alternative relationships and human nature. I’m here to help people successfully navigate the heavily stigmatised world of swinging.

Sit back and dive deep into Ethical Monogamy with me. Here you will find everything you need to know!

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