How To Approach People For Swinging?

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How To Approach People For Swinging.

How To Approach People For Swinging. It’s a question that I see posted frequently to forums and subreddit groups, so I figured it made sense to write a lengthy article giving you all the answers! 

This article contains an affiliate link. 

How To Approach People For Swinging, here are my quick top tips:

  • Be friendly and approachable
  • Work as a team and support one another
  • Say hello to whoever you see, not just the people you fancy.
  • Be warm and welcoming
  • Create sexual chemistry by flirting
  • Ask others about themselves

Even if you are in a sex club or at a swingers party, actually approaching a couple or single person can be very nerve-wracking indeed. It sounds ridiculous, you are all there for the same reasons, right? To enjoy the lifestyle in whatever capacity that is. So, if we are all wanting to be kinky, why do we find it so difficult to initiate the conversation? Even I have found it difficult in certain situations, so don’t worry, I completely understand how you are feeling. Let me teach you all I know about How To Approach People For Swinging. 

Scuttling over to a table with your drinks whilst tightly holding onto your partner’s hand might be what you feel like doing, and trust me, I know the feeling. But it sends out the wrong message. 

Beginning Swinging 

After you have discussed the lifestyle with your partner or decided that it’s something you want to do as a single person, chances are you will want to begin swinging. The next step is to read articles about swinging and familiarise yourself with different types of swingers. You will soon find certain aspects of the lifestyle that appeal to you and begin to get a good idea of what your kinks are. 

Next is to ask google a few questions! Either sign up to an online swingers site, find local swinger parties that you wish to attend (sometimes listed on swingers sites) or search for clubs in your area. 

Approaching Swingers In A Party Or Club 

You walk into the club; the lighting is soft, candle flickers caress the walls, couples are seated on sofas and perched at the bar. Women seductively sip on martinis, the atmosphere is intimate. You can see so many beautiful people, and the air is laden with possibilities. Heading over to one of the sofas, you sink into the plush fabric, your partner leans in close to you; a particular couple has caught their eye. You look over at them, and agree with their decision; they are gorgeous.

Walking in and casting a big smile across the whole room screams confidence.

However, before you can think about making conversation or even the outcome of that conversation, your cheeks start to burn, and you suddenly feel tongue-tied. What if they don’t like you, reject you, what if your kinks and fetishes are too much for them. Suddenly you become shy and find yourselves in sexy limbo, unable to approach them for fear of not knowing what to say. 

Does this sound familiar? Have you been here? Desperately wanting to talk to other couples, but caught up in uncertainty? 

Heres what you need to do. 

Be friendly and approachable from the minute you enter the party. You may not be feeling confident, but you don’t have to let that show. You have one another for support, so work as a team to present a positive image. 

Scuttling over to a table with your drinks whilst tightly holding onto your partner’s hand might be what you feel like doing, and trust me, I know the feeling. But it sends out the wrong message. 

How To Approach People For Swinging.

Walking in and casting a big smile across the whole room screams confidence. And do you know what’s sexy? Confidence. 

Say hello to whoever you see, not just the people you fancy. Be warm and welcoming. There’s nothing more unattractive than a couple who are aloof. 

Shift your attention away from the end goal. Yes, you’re there for sex, but focussing on sex and sex alone is going to cause you to be tongue-tied and flustered, even if you are confident! Don’t put yourselves, or anyone else under yet more pressure than you already feel by continuously thinking ‘oh my god, I need to impress this couple/person because I desperately want to have sex with them.’ 

If you allow the conversation to flow naturally, it will be far more productive! 

If you see a couple you like, smile at them, catch their eye and introduce yourselves. The next thing you should do is pay the other couple a compliment. It doesn’t have to be too heavy, and you don’t have to be wanting to have sex with them straight away, or at all, but simply saying ‘Hi we are X and X, we thought you guys looked lovely, can we chat?’ Is polite, friendly and open. 

Creating sexual chemistry by flirting, paying compliments and asking others about themselves are all essential when approaching people for swinging.

It would help if you got used to chatting to as many swingers as possible, don’t focus on only finding a particular ‘type’ of couple or single person and reserving your chat only for them. Are you familiar with the phrase cutting off your nose to spite your face? The more you chat and discuss swinging, the more you learn and the more conversations you have, in front of others i.e.; a couple you do want to play with, the more confident and friendly you will appear. 

You don’t have to disclose your full names, what you do for a living and where you live to everyone, and no one would expect you to. By keeping the conversation light, flirtatious and briefly discussing what you enjoy, you should be able to gain an insight into what another couple is looking for. You don’t have to go into graphic detail about what desires you have, and if you are chatting to first-time swingers, doing so would be very off-putting. 

There have been times I have found that initially, the woman prefers to talk to the other woman in the couple, and the man chooses to talk to the man. Especially if the couple is new to the swinging scene, if this is the case then I’d recommend conversing with your own partner in private after you have spoken to the couple, to see how suitable they are to swing with.  

The art of being subtle and seductive is one that you will learn over time. Creating sexual chemistry by flirting, paying compliments and asking others about themselves are all essential when approaching people for swinging. 

Asking another couple if they would like to explore the club further (some have a lot of facilities) or move to a private area is an excellent way to gauge how keen they are to play. If they say yes, then go ahead! If they seem reluctant, or unsure, then don’t pressure them. Tell them it’s been great to chat and that you hope they have a sexy evening. Not everyone is ready to play straight away; it might be that the couple you have been talking to simply want to watch others have sex. 

What Are The Rules Of Swinging? 

I know I’m always talking about establishing rules and boundaries, and your probably tired of hearing me bang on about it yet again in another post!! So, I’ll keep it brief! Before you engage in any intimacy with anyone else, you need to discuss what limits you all have and what you like and dislike. If one member of the group is less experienced or confident, you should move at a pace best suited to them. 

Can I Swing With My Vanilla Friends? 

A question that deserves a post of its own I believe, but in terms of how to approach people for swinging, there are occasions that vanilla people (non-swingers) may engage in swinger sex. The process is similar to that of initiating sex with swinger couples. However, you have to be aware that vanilla people are probably not as emotionally unattached as most swingers, and the fact that the sex is simply swinger sex might not reside well with them. 

How To Approach People For Swinging.

Also, if you swing with a vanilla friend who isn’t as discreet as you, and informs other people in your social circle that you are a swinger, this might have repercussions on your social life.  

If you want to approach vanilla friends for swinging, it’s important to remember that many people may act seductively and flirt and enjoy the idea of swinging, but in reality, this is as far as they are willing to go, so don’t be fooled! 

How To Approach Swingers Online

Approaching swingers online is a popular option as you can exchange pictures, flirt and share in-depth fantasies. Also, when viewing a prospective couples profile, you can see what experiences they have so it gives you a clearer idea of whether they are suitable playmates or not. The same techniques should be applied when initially engaging in conversation via an email or messenger app.

Be polite and friendly, and if you are in a couple, then both being present in the chat is advisable. It’s not uncommon when talking to couples online, for one half of the partnership to do most of the communicating, whilst the other half observes. Although I myself do not enjoy this, it is quite a popular method of communication. I find it rather a turn off when only one person from the couple is present in the conversation. 

If you gell well online and wish to take things further, you can suggest a swinger first date. 

What Is The Best Way To Approach People For Swinging? Club vs Online

Although there are no set rules about where and how you should meet, meeting at a club does have its advantages. Swingers can be extremely flakey, and even if you have approached them accordingly and spent time chatting to them online, there’s no guarantee they will turn up for a first date. Whereas if you go to a swingers club, you are guaranteed to be surrounded by fellow swingers. They may not all share the same kinks as you, and you will have to discuss your rules and boundaries face to face, but you don’t run the risk of being let down by flakey swingers. 

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Hi, I'm Rosie!

The girl behind ThisKindaGirl.

I’m a non-monogamy and swinging lifestyle coach.

TKG was born out of a desire to share my honest advice about swinging, alternative relationships and human nature. I’m here to help people successfully navigate the heavily stigmatised world of swinging.

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