Does Swinging Ruin A Relationship?
Hello, my lovely readers! This post is about the impact swinging has on a relationship. Is the swinger lifestyle a healthy option for you and your partner? Does swinging ruin a relationship? Or make it stronger?
Is Swinging Healthy For A Relationship?
First up, is swinging healthy for a relationship? The easy answer is yes! But it’s not as simple as that.
Taking the brave decision to put your relationship ‘out there’ is a daunting one, but with my help, it doesn’t have to be quite so scary. First up, we need to look at why swinging is a robust and useful tool for your long term relationship, and why the strains we put on one another when we are exclusive can be eased by opening up your relationship.
Let us dissect what a relationship is in its purest form; now some of you may argue with me here, and that’s fine; Ifor one like a discussion. For me, in its purest form, a relationship is two people, regardless of their gender or sexuality working together to create a unique, intimate and private world. The drive to have sex with those we find desirable is hardwired into us all, whether we identify as gay, straight, transgender or bisexual, we all want to be intimate!
What Is Sex In A Relationship?
Sex is the process of procreating and passing on our genes and beating entropy, once and for all! When you have found that one person you could potentially procreate with, regardless of whether you can or not, your body and brain says ‘YES’ this is the one. All of a sudden, this chemical, which we affectionately like to call love, is released. As we continue to have sex with this person, the love hormone, (oxytocin) unleashes from our brains, floods our bodies, makes us feel all fuzzy and in turn, strengthens our bonds. So, if this fantastic chemical is released each time we have sex, then how come we don’t end up in a loved up couple utopia as the years roll by?
Unfortunately, the human brain is cruel. The level of oxytocin you become so crazily addicted to at the beginning of your new found loved up ness starts to decrease over time, albeit slowly. But don’t worry, this reaction is entirely reasonable, it is merely your body’s way of reminding you to get a hurry on and create a life! You may start to notice it after about two and a half, maybe three years. You are comfortable, you are happy, probably living together and working hard for a future (which is all great by the way). You’re just not in that lusty, sexy state of mind you were when you met.
And I understand that! You can’t be spending each day procreating with one another, creating life after life, like hampsters. So why has the body done this I hear you ask? It is imperative to remember we are all at some point in our lives naturally driven towards procreating; to pass on our genes. If this hasn’t happened within the two years or so of complete loved up closeness, the body says ‘woah get creating a life, pronto’. As far as the human body is concerned, the exclusive partnership you have spent time nurturing hasn’t reproduced, so maybe another one will?
He Want’s to Swing, She Doesn’t
Briefly, I’m going to touch on gender differences, but don’t worry, I know you didn’t sign up for a biology lesson! Men, being the sperm givers, drive to pass on their genes as frequently as possible. Even if they don’t actively seek other women out, their instincts are more prevalent. It is not their fault; it merely is a natural way of ensuring a man spreads his sperm with as many different women as he possibly can.
Whereas women, on the other hand, can only get pregnant at one time, have the baby, and afterwards get pregnant again. Although women will still get the niggling feeling to act upon their impulses, it is far less frequently than men. So for men, the desire to procreate more often and with different women is more potent, whereas, for women, it still exists but not as strongly.
One of the most annoying things about the human body is that men will have these urges throughout the whole of their adult life, regardless of whether they are in an exclusive relationship or not. Women will also have the same desires, but not as strongly. Men can still become fathers at 60, whereas women go through menopause! It’s what we do with these urges that makes the difference. Understanding, accepting, and finding a solution is the healthiest and most ethical option.
I’d like to clarify that when I say ‘oxytocin hit,’ I’m talking purely in the realms of sex and procreation. Two of the body’s most basic desires. I’m not talking about looking elsewhere for emotional attachment, (love) just purely the oxytocin releasing hit of flirtation, attraction and sex.
Is Swinging Good For Relationships?
It is so vital to separate love from sex, and once you have, you will of cracked a critical code to swinging successfully. Many women, myself included (until I did some research) are under the assumption that sex=love. After all, if you have sex with someone, that means they like you and like leads to love and love leads to lasting bonds.
So sex=love right?
Wrong! Sex can lead to love, and when we are talking about creating lasting bonds within a relationship, it certainly does. However, it doesn’t mean that all sex leads to love. If you already have all the emotional attachment you desire from your chosen partner, then the desire to have sex outside of this attachment, to get that oxytocin hit we all crave becomes just that, a physical desire we crave as humans.
We can’t turn it off; it is hardwired into us.
We can suppress it, act on it, or embrace it! And, this is why separating love from sex is so important if you want to swing successfully! Which I’m guessing you do! I would like to point out that the sex we have within our relationships is very different from the sexual desire our bodies make us a slave to. I believe we should enjoy having sex within our relationships for as long and as often as possible and any sex we experience outside of this intimacy is in no way a replacement for our already existing sex lives. Sex while swinging is to merely complement an already existing excellent sex life between an emotionally exclusive couple.
So what did I do? I educated myself, discussed my findings, listened to my partner’s concerns (and in turn he educated himself) and before we knew it had a thorough understanding of why our bodies were responding in the ways they were. I also understand and accept that it doesn’t matter how deeply in love my partner is with me, at some point they too will get that nagging in their brain to procreate with other women and pass on his genes, even if he is totally ‘in love’ with me. As humans, we simply can’t help it! I could be the sexiest, most raunchy woman in the world, and still, he would get that nagging.
Once you listen to your body and understand why we do what we do, your understanding of human nature will fall hand in hand with the swinger lifestyle.
Can Swinging Help my Relationship?
But, is all this healthy for a relationship I hear you ask? Can Swinging help my relationship?
First up, we have to ask ourselves, what breaks a relationship? What are the means of sabotage that we as humans like to inflict upon our closest and most intimate bonds? I understand that we all have our limits and beliefs as to what makes a relationship fail, but I’m sure that many would be in agreement with me when I say cheating on one another is a big no-no in committed relationships. But how do we get around the sexual desire we feel? After all, if we are ‘cheating’ to get the oxytocin hit as our bodies tend to encourage us to do, and there is no real ‘love’ involved then does it make hitting it and quitting it alright?
Well, no, not really. When we seek out alternate means of satisfaction, behind our partners back, we are jeopardising our relationship, our families, our healths, even our homes. Try explaining why you did what you did, to someone who simply has never thought about it scientifically. All it boils down to mistrust.
This type of scenario is one that I, and I’m sure many of you, have been on the receiving end of at some point in your life. Relationships don’t have to be like this.
Swinging is the most helpful way of responding to your body’s needs and desires. It encourages us to embrace who we are without jeopardising what we already have. I identify as bisexual, I always have and always will. While I am delighted to be exclusive with a man, I have from time to time dated women and do enjoy having sex with women. Without swinging as an outlet, what would I do? Suppress my urges and be unhappy, unable to embrace who I am? Go behind my loved ones back to fulfil these needs in secret and risk losing him and his trust in the process? No way! Swinging is a healthy and natural way of ensuring these desires are met.
I have also been in relationships where men too have bisexual desires, and through the swinging lifestyle, have been able to enjoy this part of their sexual identity.
Do Couples That Swing Stay Together?
So, do couples that swing stay together? Successful swinging is the combination of so many different factors, and clear communication throughout the whole process is vital. I’d love to say yes of course they do! But that is unrealistic; however, I will say this, having met a variety of couples over the years, all with individual kinks and fetishes, one thing has always stood out for me. They all present themselves as a rock-solid team, with an impenetrable core bond. They may meet other people who are younger, more attractive and perhaps kinkier. But what these couples have is a deep emotional attachment to one another. They understand that the desires that are acting upon are simply their bodies response to being in a long term relationship.
I can’t say that swinging will fix a bad relationship, or that it is suitable for everyone. Swinging isn’t a one size fits all answer to relationship problems, and it has to be respected on both sides for a lasting, successful partnership. In order for it to be a helpful tool in any relationship, an open mind and willingness to discuss your needs has to happen first.
If you suddenly spring your desires to have another woman perform oral sex on you while you’re giving your husband a blow job, then chances are it will be met with question after question and doubt will soon rise in his mind as to where these desires have suddenly appeared from.
I, for one, fully understand the feelings that arise when we think about the o
ne person we are most invested in giving their love and affection to another. But if a healthy swinging lifestyle is embraced, this will never be a problem as swinging is simply the means of getting the carnal desires we all harbour met.
I understand that this post has been a bit heavy! There’s a lot to digest, especially if you are new to the swinging world! Remember thiskindagirls golden rule; swinging should complement an already existing excellent intimate life.